When did I start to give in
to that fear?
When did that me that used to
dance wildly in abandon
disappear to?
When did the fear suddenly
become the guiding force in life.
No apologies for being afraid, for
to be afraid is human BUT
to give in to that fear
is cowardice.
I want to live out loud, again.
I want to dance until the morning comes,
and feel my spirit revived.
I want to feel fear but not be in awe of it,
letting it run me, my life and my choices.
I want to jump into life.
Untitled
It was an amazing feeling, she thought, as she sidestepped stones jutting out from the freshly machine-pressed dirt road. It had been an exceptionally difficult journey but she was finally at a point where she could release her breath and just breathe. Nobody had warned her that it was going to be such a challenge. Of course, they all had assumed that she would flourish. Wasn’t it one of her professors who had proudly proclaimed that she was the best kind of international nomad. She could survive and thrive anywhere. The sky roared with thunder and blackened with the promise of rain and she held her umbrella closer, ready to explosively open it when the skies opened up and pelted her with rain. She had lived here for what seemed like years. Even the old beggar-woman who crouched by the uncovered manhole that reeked of spoiled sewage was so familiar with her, that she never called out for money any more. The world warmed around her, swelling with the threat of the coming rain. She knew it would be a warm storm. They always were. She had lived and survived this experience, despite the efforts of some. She almost threw back her head in laughter, as she pondered all the accusations she had faced along the way. She knew that most in the town had spoken about her, whether it was in speculation or in praise or in jest. She had kept her head and worked twice as hard as she should have been. It would have been easier to simply disappear into her work and refuse to associate with anyone but a chosen few. But that was never her style. She was truly her father’s daughter and she opted to work hard and harder instead of letting what other people thought affect her work ethic. The chosen few who understood her, respected her work ethic and empathized with the struggle with those that were, supposedly, above her professionally, were a small circle but she was thankful for their companionship and silent support. It had been a trying few months but it had shown her an inner strength that she had only guessed at having. Gritty. That is what she could describe her experience. And now, it was almost over, and she would never have be subjected to the ups and downs of the moody instability that she had had to persevere against. The rain began to pour, a warm velvet caress on her face, and she lifted her eyes to the skies. She did not open up her umbrella but, instead, she closed her eyes, stuck out her tongue and tasted the rain. Surely, the town would soon be abuzz with news that she had walked down the main street with her eyes closed, head to the sky, earbuds of music pressed into her ears, and her tongue out lapping at the rain like a hungry chicken.
It struck her then.
She did not care.
She was free.
Changes
The winds of change are blowing,
and the sands of time scatter
in hesitant and muted response.
Jumbled emotions arise
and uncertainty marks each step
forward and back
as decisions pondered,
home-bases considered
and discarded ideas rejuvenated.
Changes are two sides of one coin,
one welcomes it or despises it
but, like a coin, must be used up.
Choices must be considered, made, in
double or triple time sometimes,
amidst doubts and colored beliefs
and, at the end, no matter what,
the changes still will happen.
Family Time
Loving Nairobi
I decided to pop into Nairobi for a short visit over the Ethiopian New Year weekend, and I am still in surprise mode. Nairobi has certainly changed; construction on some key roads is completed., there is a lot of urban stretch, and apartment buildings are a dime a dozen. Many businesses are moving from the typical, expected CBD location/site and are now venturing into the surrounding suburbs. Returnees from the diaspora are fully present and easily identified and the young Kenyan professional archetype is taking hold. This is not the Nairobi in which I grew up but it certainly feels like a Nairobi that has moved forward and grown up. Just like us.
Reading (and Writing) Woes
I love to read. I have loved reading since I was a youngster, hiding in the bathroom with old textbooks borrowed from my parents’ college-days boxes, and magazines. I even tried to read Shakespeare. I was 7 years old. I did not like Shakespeare. However, I loved reading Parents magazine, some old fashion magazines from the UK that my mother kept for the dress patterns in the back, and I even adored the leftover English literature textbooks that my father (or was it my mother) had used in school. My mother is an English teacher and, through her, I learned to love the art of reading, composition, grammar and spelling. I was writing out wildly imaginative stories before I hit a decade in years. I loved Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and, when I was about 9, I decided to write my own African Nancy Drew. Yes, she also had strawberry blonde hair. Weird because I had, at that time, never met anyone boasting strawberry Continue reading
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