I have been on Unemployment benefits from my state since my layoff just before the summer. I got on food stamps because I needed to be able to feed my son and unemployment is not enough. I have a spreadsheet tracker with all the jobs I have applied for since March and every time I add to it, my spirit breaks just a bit more. I add to it every day – unemployment requires me to search for three jobs per week in order to access my unemployment check weekly. I apply for about 7-10 jobs every week.

The LinkedIn posts of advice either say to do it this way or to focus on 1 or 2 per week or to rest because you’ve been working for so long. But your bills and your responsibilities are not at rest. The gurus also say use AI to maximize your application and cover letter, but also…don’t use AI. The employers may reject you if you use AI or if you don’t. It’s so confusing really. Resume builders pop up across all your social media, encouraging you to take on their services at a cost but your bank account is groaning and emptying at a rapid rate.

With the government shutdown and the SNAP benefits curtailed, I am not sure where my groceries will come from this month. I suppose it’s a good time to try that One Meal A Day (OMAD) diet and finally lose my COVID weight that lingered on, powered by my cortisol-driven stress job. I certify my unemployment weekly every Sunday and today I encountered an error message. I suppose this is brought to us by the government shutdown somehow. I cannot certify that I looked for work this last week and it’s just another stab to an already weary heart.

I don’t quite see the end of this dark tunnel especially as I navigate bills being due, needing to feed my son, managing my stress levels, and keeping on breathing. My pastor’s sermon today was about the long game, leaning on the church and living by faith. It’s hard to keep the faith when the lights are failing all around and your tunnel is collapsing all around you.