In the velvety dark, words come rumbling out

from within a space long forgotten,

more, perhaps, ignored than recalled.

They tumble out, seeking to unmask

from beyond the fear of never-achieving,

the mountain of self-doubt, the handcuffs

of anxiety and paralyzed freeze reaction.

Fingers move rapidly, caressing the keyboard,

clacking in the darkness, the echo slamming against

inky silence, swapping cadence with a thundering heartbeat

that rings in your ear.

Write, your brain says…

Hide, your heart whispers

Chaos, your blood rushing through your veins

pounding in your ears causing you to be deaf to the fear

you have become comfortable with…

so much so that when tears fall, you think it’s raining and

you sit still in it, letting it wash around around, your true self

drowning in the self-inflicted pain and grief that stamps out

any opportunity to reclaim yourself.

It’s time though…

to shake yourself up, stand up and acknowledge the pain, the tears and

start to believe in your self again.

Faith.

This is what will save you.

Grace.

This is what will sustain you.

No knight is headed your way…

the saving is up to you.

It feels like falling through rain,

the pelts of raindrops thudding against your skin,

your uplifted face welcoming tiny splices of pain,

the water trickling down your sweet onyx face

onto your expanse of dark chocolate neck,

the sweetness of the curve-length

diluted into strands of remorseful hurt,

hurtling further down onto your bronzed shoulders,

your collarbone shrieking in disbelief

at the ice drops nestling hard in its narrow cocoon.

Your chest heaves silently then loudly

thuds through the droplets,

it feels like falling through rain,

your cries swallowed up by the ice-grey precipitation

and your thumping heart pushing against the nestling ice drops

that press back against it, turning thumps into popsicles of pain,

your arms are noodles, the color of bwe bhulo,

with the strength of a newborn child,

your cries for salvation and deliverance

swallowed whole by the leviathan of love,

the noodle-arms flap in time to the beat of the rain

tap tapping against the expanse of your stygian back.

Once sinewy and strong, your back is now twisted,

pushed further into a soft curve of even softer curves

that splinter with the thumps and tap tapping of

what feels like rain

through which you are falling.

You can’t feel your legs,

the rage of rain wraps itself around the once-golden limbs,

choking the yellowness out of your life,

the raindrops dimming the rainbows from your thighs

right down to your toes,

It feels like falling through rain,

the pain hits each part of you

and as you fall faster and faster through this nameless fissure,

narrow, unforgiving, untelling,

the pain swallows you whole,

burning you up from your toes to your head

and, as you fade into brilliantly white nothingness,

it feels like falling through rain.

So another year and another promise to write more. I decided to just wing it. I will schedule some writing time and just free write and whatever will pop out will pop out.

Raw. Unfiltered (but grammatically reviewed).

2024. I feel positive. I feel blessed. I feel ready.