Love: Versions and Time

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When you sit down and think about where you’ve been, it may come as a surprise to realize how many versions of you there have been.

I miss being in high school in Kenya, where the only things that mattered were that letter from an admirer at a neighboring boy’s school, Drama Club competitions, and those moments spent with friends laughing in little dorm rooms made for 8 but sleeping 10. That version of me was very naive and I realize now that that was the purest form of me in existence. Pure meaning untainted by life, heartbreak and chaos.

I miss Zig-Zag nights, when the black-and-white and white-and-black decor of the place zoomed by in a blur and we punched the air in time to the Lost Boyz in rotation by DJ Ben. That version of me was introduced to love for the first time. And heartbreak.

I miss Jungle club, my first ever party – no alcohol, only Fanta, and watching my friend, Michelle, dance to Aaliyah and we met DJ NiJo there and partied till the sun came up and we stalked up the hill to sleep over at Michelle’s because nobody in their right mind would venture home to explain to my mother why I was out and not at my job at ECK all Continue reading →

Love Manenos

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It has been a whirlwind of emotions lately,

unexpectedly jarred into place by the unpredicted,

clarity about it all suddenly coming into focus.

Missing your voice, your time and your energy.

 

 

 

Broken Hourglass

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“What makes you think this will kill me?”

Her question halted the doctor mid-speech. He stared at her, trying to get back to his train of thought. It was obvious to her that this was a speech he had delivered plenty of times before. Her question, it seemed, was the first he had ever received.

She stared back, pulling her shoulders up and shifting forward in the hard leather seat reserved for his patients.

He swallowed hard, visibly.

“Madam…”

She cocked an eyebrow.

He began to stutter. He looked away and started shuffling the papers on his desk.

She cleared her throat and quietly asked him to speak up.

“Ni vile nimesema…” — Like I’ve said…

The switch to Swahili was to, perhaps, endear himself to her. It got her blood boiling, instead.

She listened as he repeated himself. It was Stage 4. Inoperable. It had already metastasized to other organs. She had 6 months or less to live.

Standing next to her, her niece clasped her hands together and started mouthing a prayer. Funny, she did not recall this particular niece holding much of a religious bent before. She looked back at the doctor. His mouth was moving, and where his hair used to be was pooled in sweat. She could see the beads rolling down his head, selecting in that microsecond which path to follow. One sweat bead decided to roll down over his eye, bumping gently over his furry eyebrow and running into his right eye. He blinked four times rapidly and his eyebrow moved dramatically in unison. She wondered if the hair Continue reading →

Rock

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Your circle shrinks the older you get,

certainly.

You know those around you that will wish you the best,

always.

Those you can lean on when things get rough,

clear.

When the sun shades over and the rain is incessant,

perhaps.

Those shoulders pop up, ready for your lean in,

always.

Rock.

 

Home

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The way home never seemed clearer than it did at that moment.

The trees swayed apart and the moonlight beamed a clear path through.

The night air felt cool against his skin, the breeze rustled his beard gently.

The call was clear, home was beckoning from just beyond the horizon.

 

Take a breath. Go home.