The Ex-Factor

It’s amazing how people can judge you without having the full story in hand. And it’s even more amazing at how much I have decided that I don’t care have other priorities to worry about, a bit more than whether someone understands where I am coming from.

You have to make decisions for yourself, to lift yourself up, remove yourself from a path that is obviously destructive for you. And when you do so, you expect those around you to understand why the decisions you have made, which may not necessarily be their cup of tea, are what works for you at that particular point.

I recently made the decision to share my upcoming marriage and baby news with my ex’s family. I thought since we had been super close, they would love to hear it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. Wow, was that an eye-opener. Despite us having shelved our relationship two years ago, some family members were mad upset that I had shared this piece of news because I was not with their brother. I was accused of breaking his heart and leading him on while I was interested in someone else, AND accepting his generosity. That has never been my M.O., so I kept my calm, and just let them know that they had become family to me while I was dating so-and-so, and I felt that they shouldn’t find out my news via social media. That would have been super rude. Incidentally, the ex has been trying to hit on one of my friends for the past few months (the same time period when he got upset that I was planning on marrying someone else…) and she shared this piece of news me nonchalantly one day, unaware that he had been trying, I suppose, to get back with me. He had, via email, asked me to reconsider. I said no. He asked me in person 6 months later, I said no.

Now, I broke it down to one sister in particular; when we were together, this guy did not want to think marriage and kids with me. He told me he wanted to have numerous children all around the world with different women. Yeah. Then he said he was far too young. No kidding. Then when I pointed out that my career plan was to be in D.C. or to work in Africa on global health matters, he said I could go marry one of his friends who was stationed in D.C. At that point, I chose to end the relationship because, I mean, can you blame me?

After some time living and working abroad, I met a wonderful man. Someone older. Someone who knew, from our very first date, that he wanted a wife and kids. He did not have a timetable and calendar drawn up but he knew that his next relationship, she would have to have the capacity to be a ‘life partner’. And I fell in love. And now here comes Baby Austin.

I really do not like to judge people without having all the information because then you look like an idiot when it all comes to light, really. This ex decided to not share with his family that we had been done for over 2 years so by the time I wanted to share news of my life changes, they assumed I had done the nasty behind his back and ‘devastated’ him. It’s odd. Never once did they ever ask me in those 2 years what was going on because, Lord knows, I share. I would have kept it real. So now, I realize that not everyone shares your joy when you discover your path. But I refuse to let that bring me down. I made the best decision for me in the circumstances and I can never look back. Even if my heart broke today, I would never go back to a relationship that lacked the maturity level, tenderness, communication skills that I need to flourish as a partner with someone. He wrote to me, via email, to propose marriage and kids when we had been broken up a year or so. He wrote about how he knew I was the type of woman he would settle down with and how he wished me well in the future. Well, my future is here. And I, for one, plan on celebrating the new things that God has placed in my life. Amen.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s