Single Mothers

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In August 2017, Oyunga Pala wrote the following:

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It struck a chord within me when I read this paragraph. Nobody really chooses to be a single mother, save for the few who truly aim for this goal. For them, this generalization of nobody chooses to be a single parent does not apply. Baby Mama. I don’t like the term ‘baby mama’ because it distills a full person down to this preconceived notion of a ratchet, loud, anti-man, argumentative, foul-mouthed human being holding a child hostage to get specific reparations from the child’s father. The term ‘single mother’ is Continue reading →

Untitled (Pep Talk)

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The flames lick at your feet,

the heat unbearable,

and it seems you shall never

take a breath again.

In the face of great pain,

no bandaid can restore

that joy that once resided

in the deepest crevices of your heart.

Move your feet,

adjust your stance,

don’t stomp on the flames,

as that will only serve

to enrage them further.

Instead, keep your arms out

to steady yourself,

and learn which broken bones

to heal first.

Brightest Spot

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You narrated your shopping list very matter-of-factly. Yogurt, strawberries, milk, cereal. When I mentioned broccoli, you very clearly said no. It was definitely not on your list. This discussion was held at 2056, as we were preparing for bed. The question that had been posed – What will we do tomorrow morning?

Supermarket. Then the list. Then you said we would go to the playground and to the beach. Then you smiled a big one.

You’ve been doing a lot of growing up recently. You graduated from diapers and are now wearing briefs and underpants. Like a grown up. We have three accidents so far, of the second variety…but it is more like you just didn’t want to leave the living room. But I do realize that you are indeed growing up. Even when you cry over some things that don’t warrant a full on outpouring. Like the banana peel isn’t going down the way you thought it should. Or I told you no when you wanted to do a back flip (I am not sure you know what that is) on the trampoline. Continue reading →

40 Questions

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I answered these questions back in 2009/2010 and it is amazing to go back and see what has changed and, funnily, what has not. It’s a fun and quick reflective game. I think I will aim to do one every few months, every quarter, to see what changes or disappears from my life.

Let’s go…

>1. What is your occupation right now? Public health
> 2. What color are your socks right now? No socks
> 3. What are you listening to right now? Passport_Cutty on Instagram talking about some x-rated stuff 🙂
> 4. What was the last thing that you ate? Chunky chocolate chip cookies straight out the packet
> 5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes!
> 6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Ajami ❤
> 7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I don’t recall who sent this to me (I got this in 2010…)
> 8. How old are you today? 39
> 9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Tennis, American Football
> 10. What is your favorite drink? Hendricks + Ginger Ale
> 11. Have you ever dyed your hair? No.
> 12. Favorite food? Anything with meat but I also love Pad Thai, Pho, Sushi…
> 13. What is the last movie you watched? Not a movie but the Netflix series “Atypical”
> 14. Favorite day of the year? My birthday! Forget anniversaries but never forget my birthday please…
> 15. How do you vent anger? I talk. I dance.
> 16. What was your favorite toy as a child? No favorite really. I liked trucks.
> 17. What is your favorite season? Summer.
> 18. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries.
> 19. Do you want your friends to answer these? Yes.
> 20. Who is the most likely to respond? Not sure.
> 21. Who is least likely to respond? Not sure.
> 22. Living arrangements? My own place with a 3 year old in my bed instead of in his room :-/
> 23. When was the last time you cried? Earlier this week. It’s been rough.
> 24. What is on the floor of your closet? My shoes.
> 25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you would send this to? Michelle.
> 26. What did you do last night? Stayed up late, figuring out what to do about my broken down car; helped out my neighbor with computer access; put my son to bed later than normal – felt that in the morning.
> 27. What are you most afraid of? Snakes.
> 28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Spicy hamburgers. No cheese.
> 29. Favorite dog breed? Hairless, big dogs…please.
> 30. Favorite day of the week? Friday. Reggae Night whenever it lands during the week.
> 31. How many states have you lived in? Multiple – WA, CA, TX, LA, MA…the list goes on…and on.
> 32. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls.
> 33. What is your favorite flower? I am not sure anymore…used to be lilly flowers but I have never received those so…Pikake (Jasmine), Gardenias, Camellias…
> 34. Favorite song of all time? Joy, by Blackstreet. (I wrote this in 2010, and I am thinking maybe it has changed? Let me think about it…)
>35. Favorite color? Butter Yellow.
>36. Favorite book? The Concubine, by Elechi Amadi. I also love the Abraham Verghese novel, Cutting For Stone.
>37. Favorite TV show? Law and Order.
>38. Name one thing on your bucket list? MORE international traveling to exotic places.
>39. Goals for 2018-19? Establish my business; carve time out for my happiness; write my book (finally); get married; travel; laugh more; embrace my life more; set up Austin in a great school; date nights should be plenty (with my boys – together and separately) 🙂
>40. Favorite store to shop? The Loft, any bookstore…and Amazon online 🙂

Continue reading →

You are Strong

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Strength runs through the steel that is your backbone,

holding you up when all else around that spine is collapsing

from exhaustion, fatigue, over-stimulation and no rest.

They say there is no rest for the weary,

but they forget that a heart cannot beat in isolation

for a long a time as expected or as pushed.

Strength comes in many veins, forms and intensities.

The strength that pulses through your body,

flee or fight – so different than the one that responds to

do or die.

At least when you flee, the blood still pumps to your heart,

and when you fight, your heart still aims to live on despite

the monsters you are fighting.

This do or die strength is unexpected, often.

You straighten your backbone, fight through the weariness

and swear to not flee or die,

you will just do.

And then you do.

 

Attika

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I have been thinking of you a lot lately. Unusual. I usually think of you as your anniversary date approaches, meaning early November. So this is early. Perhaps because I have been contemplating this idea of fairness in life. It wasn’t fair how you left, when you left, that you left at all.

And I have been wondering what you would think about all that’s in my life now. And I wonder what you would say to me now. I know we cannot turn back time as much as I wish I could hear your voice even one more time, but I have been thinking about our last day together and the last time we spoke across the Continue reading →