Attika

I have been thinking of you a lot lately. Unusual. I usually think of you as your anniversary date approaches, meaning early November. So this is early. Perhaps because I have been contemplating this idea of fairness in life. It wasn’t fair how you left, when you left, that you left at all.

And I have been wondering what you would think about all that’s in my life now. And I wonder what you would say to me now. I know we cannot turn back time as much as I wish I could hear your voice even one more time, but I have been thinking about our last day together and the last time we spoke across the distance that separated us.

I have missed you for the last 8 years, and the ache never really subsides. They say time heals but I don’t know about that. I do think of you and not cry, that’s something, right? I do miss you. I do miss what we had. I do realize that that will never be duplicated, and I am thoroughly enjoying discovering what love means post-you, what love is for me with someone that is not you. And I am finding out that it is possible. And it doesn’t take away from what me and you had, not at all. In fact, I can say what we had and then me losing you so suddenly has really impacted how I am in relationships now. I am much more serious about my intentions in relationships, not that I am in a million of them…

But I do know what I want in a relationship. And I do know that what we didn’t have – time – is the one thing that I will fight for in my relationship. Life is short, you taught me that. And now I want to seize each moment and live in my truth. You taught me that.

I miss you. I thank you, despite the many tears I shed for you, the sadness that visits me when you cross my mind and my heart surges with memories. You have taught me that I should never put off what makes me happy. I shouldn’t take time for granted. And I should love with every bit of what I have. I thank you for that.

And I miss you. Still.

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