You

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It’s a wait.

To embrace you.

Lay eyes.

Hear you.

But it’s overwhelmingly

and surprisingly

soul-filling,

knowing that you

are there.

Present with

every breath I take,

and hidden within.

It’s a wait.

To lay hands.

To caress.

But it’s been a wait.

And you,

at the end of it,

are the greatest gift.

12 Weeks, 2 Days – December 4, 2014

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So, I had my second ever ultrasound this past Wednesday. It was actually a special ultrasound specifically for nuchal translucency since I am AMA (advanced maternal age). Ha. I am right on the cusp since I turned 35 this past July. Well, I was waiting to start blogging until I hit the 12 week mark. I have told a few people, some really close friends, and it has been great having the support of my mom-friends. The ones I call when I have a slight panic over whether I am suffering from pseudocyesis (fake pregnancy) or whether the ‘bump’ thing in my ultrasound is from my Baby A eating my Baby B and dumping the body in my uterus…(morbid, I know…too much Law and Order, or CSI or Vampire Diaries). My friends have really helped me out since my guy is still Continue reading →

Cannot.

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You cannot sit there and begin to imagine
half of what my struggle here has been,
the slow and agonizing safari I found myself
forced to take into the depths of my self,
to realize that the box I checked to self-identify
within these borders opened me up to so much hate.

You cannot even begin to imagine what
being Black, being African
is about for me, in this day and age,
and within my personal geographical context.
Yet you find it so easy to spit out words,
to push racism underneath the rug of comfort
that you’ve lived in for your entire caucasoid existence. Continue reading →

Freedom

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You throw those words around
with the cruelest of intentions,
to puncture a heart and
to cripple a soul.
A need to see one bleed
and writhe in utter pain
to make it alright for you
to wallow in and
share the pain that
you multiply up in your mind,
causing you to pull your imagined
cracked shards of glass across
your pained heart…
to make it alright for you
to throw those shards against
the walls of someone else’s joy,
to bring them down
the same way you see that
their choice of someone else
over you brought you down.
It’s a choice for a reason…
and the reason is clear.
Freedom.