The Return…

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It’s been 6 months since I posted on my blog. I feel guilty. I feel bad. I feel like I have let down a loved one. I suppose words have been missing and so I felt like I couldn’t write anything down. That, plus the fact that I was living in a tiny village in the southwestern part of rural Ethiopia, contributed to my absence from this planet.

 

But, I am back. I still live in Ethiopia. BUT in the capital city – with regular access to electricity, burgers, tennis and internet. 

 

I make a promise to contribute regularly here. Keeping it up, no matter what. I have been in transit for a while and I should be writing more. I shall. 

 

Let’s see what happens.

Fighting Shadows

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The shadows of your words

cut deeply, perhaps as you intend.

And, though I bleed inside,

I refuse to let my blood show through.

Holding my head high, remembering

just who I am and what I am here for,

and who I am here for saves me.

Keeps that blood that you try to draw

from showing up, crimson red

against the black velvet of my skin.

I refuse to back down and be chopped up.

I knew who I was years ago,

and will not change that I for you.

You throw shadows at me,

shadows that try to cut and maim me

but you forget from whence I came.

The blood of warriors runs through these veins,

and no shadows can empty that part of me.

I stand strong, lifted by my reggae beat and

the realization that only I am responsible

for my happiness, my joy and my sanity.

I can never leave those in the hands of another.

Respect is a two-way street, and it must be earned.

I am strong enough, I have been strong enough

to fight shadows before…shadows of all shapes and sizes.

Yours will simply join the previously conquered ones

as I will stand firm and face you straight on.

Fighting shadows is never easy,

but I have done it before and I shall surely

do it again.

Bring it. 

Let’s Talk Hair!

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So, one of my biggest worries when I made the decision to come to Ethiopia to work in public health was how to best take care of my natural hair. In Kenya, it’s easy…Kenyatta Market…about $15 – $20 and you have long skinny braids or Senegalese twists with really high quality extension hair after sitting still for about 90 minutes or so. In Ethiopia, the extension hair feels like steel wool, looks like it was pulled off the manufacturing belt in China a bit too fast AND it did not go through Quality Control. Needless to say, I had to teach myself how to do my own Senegalese twists and braids out here.All the lessons that helped were easily found on Youtube when the internet gods were cooperating out here and were syncing with the electricity gods and basically giving me the makings of a great day. 

I was struggling with how best to moisturize my hair and I had experimented with a bit of glycerin in a small bottle of distilled water. It was okay. Nothing to write home about and my hair just seemed to feel very bleh about it. Then the internet came back after disappearing for a few days and, because I could, I spent an hour researching home made moisturizing sprays. I watched Naptural85 on Youtube – her hair is absolutely gorgeous…and read a few blogs. In the end, I decided to wing it and use what I Continue reading →

‘Be Where You Are’

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I hope she doesn’t mind me posting this, but one of my sweetest friends wrote something on her blog that, thanks to my very unreliable, moody internet connection here in Ethiopia, I just discovered today. In the last few weeks, I have gone through some strange ups and downs – patient deaths, preventable illnesses, sick babies, sicker parents, weird interpersonal exchanges with my higher-ups, challenging work duties, paranoia on a high level from my higher-up, gin of questionable quality, lack of appropriate mixers for said gin…even a request, from my higher-ups at work to me, to stop a friendship…yeah, wrap your head around that. Well, my friend captured something raw and so real that I feel that I MUST share an excerpt;

The grass really is always greener. Don’t let yourself immortalize past experiences on a pedestal of the bright and shiny. Don’t let yourself discount your present experiences because of dreams of the past or of the way things could be. This is not to say don’t dream, don’t change, don’t become. Quite the opposite. Be where you are. Appreciate each day for what it is, and when that day has gone, appreciate it for what it was –nothing more, nothing less. Dream big, aim higher than the stars, but don’t let it put a damper of where you are now. Just realize the beauty of the position you’re in to control your own reality, your own experience. Take stock in what matters. What really matters. Don’t mourn things you gave up to grow to where you are now. Remember the things you gave up and be grateful that you had them, be grateful for where they have gotten you, but BE where you ARE. Always. Always moving and going forward.

And be easy on yourself. We all have ugly spots on our souls, it’s part of this human experience, finding them, accepting them, and cleaning them away. You can hate certain parts of yourself as long as you hate them while staring them in the face. Don’t turn away and pretend they don’t exist. Don’t close yourself off from them determined to feign ignorance. Acknowledge that they exist, feel whatever feelings associate with them and then work like hell to un-blemish the spots. The best lessons often begin with the deepest pain.

Eish. A-freaking-men, Toni.

Distance Sucks

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Thrilled beyond measure today,

I was.

Your voice in my ear, my heart pouncing

upon your every word…

as finally, finally, the instrument began to work.

The world had separated us as technology failed

for what seemed like years…it was down for two days…

So pleased, I was, to hear your voice,

and hear your news of your imminent arrival,

that no dragon could slay me down,

and I was positively skipping along today,

buoyed along by the happiness in your voice,

the thrill in my heart

at seeing you again after so long.

I cannot wait

to 

see you.

 

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Time played me once.

Really badly.

It promised me forever

if only I could just wait for a little while.

Instead, what I got, was pain

tears, heartbreak and no goodbye.

I have learned not to trust time

and what she promises anyone.

Best enjoy what you have

with whom you have,

treasure those moments

that you can steal from time,

and live like tomorrow is not promised.